


Uncanny Choices (And Voices)

by I_Are_Bagel_Jesus



Series: Michael's Vocab Drabbles [2]
Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Angst, also the maitlands and kinda jerks? at least in bj's eyes, and is the only member, beej gets upset during this, beej lives in the neitherworld for this, beetlejuice has a stutter, beetlejuice is super observant, big sandy is the leader of the bj protection squad, but they arent together at all, except adam and barb, he screams at the maitlands, i have some bj headcanons in here, implied goldenrat, its not explicitly said but how they talk/think about/to eachother its implied, lydia and miss a are only mentioned they never show up, sandworms, so theres that, this was longer than expected tbh, those hc being:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 10:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20993156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Are_Bagel_Jesus/pseuds/I_Are_Bagel_Jesus
Summary: Beetlejuice was, safe to say, nervous when the Maitlands abruptly converged onto him one day. It was.. uncalled for, to say the least. He wasn’t expecting them, especially not since he was currently in the Neitherworld. Did Mr. and Mrs. Sexy get their hands on a copy of the Handbook for the Recently Deceased? Didn’t he literally burn their copy? And take the one he gave Lyds- Lydia after he left? He never even mentioned the Neitherworld a single time when he was with any of them. So how did they find him, let alone willingly go into the fucking Netherworld?orBeetlejuice went to live in the Neitherworld after the events of BJ:TMTMTM and the Maitlands show up and they have a Conversation.





	Uncanny Choices (And Voices)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Words as Weapons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456519) by [NearoRiver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NearoRiver/pseuds/NearoRiver). 

> Back at it again with the vocab fics
> 
> I expected this to be shorter tbh, like maybe 500 words not 3165 lmao, but i was reading this one fic and the way it was written is just *chef kiss* and i was inspired by how they wrote and uh got carried away with this. the fic that inspired how i wrote this is linked above <3<3
> 
> I also forgot about writing this week's fic and remembered after my vocab quiz in English, so it took me from mod 3 to my last mod to finish it. so im proud of it.
> 
> The words of this week are in the end notes, and in the actual fic they're the bolded words.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the fic :)

Beetlejuice was, safe to say, nervous when the Maitlands abruptly  **converged ** onto him one day. It was.. uncalled for, to say the least. He wasn’t expecting them, especially not since he was currently in the Neitherworld. Did Mr. and Mrs. Sexy get their hands on a copy of the HFTRD (Handbook for the Recently Deceased was too long, so the demon shortened it to HFTRD or The Handbook whenever talking slash thinking about it)? Didn’t he literally burn their copy? And take the one he gave Lyds- Lydia after he left? He never even mentioned the Neitherworld a single time when he was with any of them. So how did they find him, let alone willingly go into the fucking Netherworld (the Neitherworld and the Netherworld are different places, yes, but you have to go to the Netherworld to get to the Neitherworld)? He'd have to be paying attention to even think of trying to  **ascertain ** how, huh? Oh- the Maitlands were looking at him, what did they say? Shit were they waiting for an answer- uhh- “Huh?” Nice, great, good goin, now they definitely know you weren’t paying attention, fuck. The Maitlands sigh as they look at the demon, “We said, we want you to come back to live with us and the Deetz at the house.”

“W- What? What the- the f- the fuck?” (before anything he noticed the Maitlands definitely noticed his stuttering. He didn’t do it before because he was so focused on not doing it that he just didn’t. Juno didn’t like it, and these people he was trying to convince of shit so he would stutter. Right now though, they were at his home and he didn’t want to fake not stuttering in front of them, his home, his rules. They probably thought he was nervous and stuttering because of that though, not that it was just a speech impediment of his) The demon’s eyes were blown wide in shock. The married couple simply nodded, as if nodding was confirming that yes they want him to come back. He looked the two up and down, looking for tells that they were lying. They weren’t. Beetlejuice shook his head then, tried to cover up his shock and act  **nonchalant** , and tilted his head slightly. “Why? And- and how did you two even fuckin- even find me? How did you even know this place existed?” (This place being: the Neitherworld; but you knew that already. The Neitherworld world is, in short, a place where dead people can go to live again, sort of. It’s basically for ghosts who still want to “live” a life again, even during death. Beetlejuice asked Juno about it once, and she dismissed the place, saying “If I had a choice, that shit hole wouldn’t exist, dead people don’t need a life. They’re dead.” Juno was always a  **supercilious ** bitch. He said nothing, though. Now here he is, in said shit hole) Barbara was the one to answer: “We got our hands on a Handbook, not really hard honestly. Lydia read through it and read about this place, that’s how we know about it. And Lydia misses you- we miss you. We wanted to find you instead of forcing you to come back with summoning you, we wanted to give you a choice.” Beetlejuice stared at them, the nerves fading and morphing into a strange curiosity, the same on he gets whenever meeting someone new in the Netherworld slash Neitherworld. But they weren’t new. Only their motives were new. “That wasn’t my- my question. My question was- was how did you find me. Not why.” 

Adam smiled, he answered this time: “Lydia mentioned she met a ghost when she came to the Netherworld before you two...” Adam was uncomfortable mentioning the wedding thing, understandable since Beetlejuice is too, “Anyways, she mentioned meeting a ghost named Miss Argentina-“ The demon cut him off, he knew where this was going. “Maria you- you bitch!” (she prefers him to call her by her given name, Miss Argentina is too formal for friends she says. He has her call him BJ) He cursed, stomping his foot. He could tell what happened now. They went to the Netherworld, found Maria (not hard, considering she has to organize everyone as the receptionist and assign them their meetings with Juno or whoever) asked her if she knew where he was (which she did, only because they were friends though. If they asked any other ghost they wouldn’t have known. They’re not very fond of him, because unlike in the Neitherworld where nobody knows him, everything and everyone knows him in the Netherworld. It’s like that as Juno’s kid), and she told them (what a bitch, she knew they were the Maitlands before they told her, he knows it. Maria knows everyone and everything’s that’s died after she has. She’s practically  **omniscient ** when it comes to dead people. It’s just who she is). “Fuckin- I fuckin told her not to- not to tell anyone where I fuckin was..” he grumbled, kicking at the ground, sand (sandworms like sand, obviously. So, of course, Beetlejuice would make his whole yard full of sand, he only wants the best for Big Sandy. She killed his mom after all. Speaking of Big Sandy, she was currently  **skulking ** around behind the Maitlands in the sand, probably just watching and making sure they weren’t going to hurt Beetlejuice. She had quickly gotten protective of the demon after killing his mom, it was strangely nice) being kicked up into the Maitland’s legs. Their shoes were probably full of sand by now. Good. They deserved it for going to find him.

“Uh-“ Beetlejuice looked up, Adam was talking. “Well, about the coming with us thing? What do you say?” The demon hummed, studying the ghostly couple for a minute. They were nervous and... hopeful? That was the only word for it. Hopeful that he would say yes. The thing was, Beetlejuice wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to go back. Sure, he had fun with Lydia, flirting with the Maitlands was fun, Chuck and Donna were fun to scare. But, they also tricked him into thinking they loved him (well, attempted to trick him, but he decided to ignore the lie parts. He was desperate for someone to care he would have cared less if it was a lie at that point. He should have just killed them, instead of...), and murdered him. Beetlejuice took a moment to look at his hand as he thought, moving from staring at the Maitland’s nervous ticks and counting on his fingers (he wasn’t looking at them, but he could feel the Maitland’s confused looks. They were probably wondering “what’s he doing with his hands, what’s he counting for?” or something like that) as he listed in his head the bad things he did while with them: tried to exorcise Barbara, flirted with Adam, married Lydia, made out with the Maitlands, scared the absolute shit out of Chuck and Donna (the more he thought about it, he doubted her name was Donna. He just remembered it started with a D. But to be fair, he was distracted with the whole being murdered thing), groped Adam, scared a girl scout half to death (she was around 9 or 11, he figures), scared the neighbor with the pie, scare the pizza guy, scared who knows how many people, married Lydia, attempted to grope Barbara, lied to the Maitlands about where they were supposed to go after death (he burned their book because sometimes puppet shows are sad), convinced Adam he was his dad for a few minutes before making out with him, tricked Lydia into marrying him by trying to exorcise Barbara, groped Adam while flirting with him, and fuckin- he fucking married Lydia (he knows she was underaged, but not by how much. He hopes she was maybe just 17, but he knew she was probably a year or two younger than that). That was, what, how many things he’s done wrong (he doesn’t know he lost count after he got to 3, but he didn’t notice. 3 was as high as he could count anyways)? He doubted they’d forgive him for all of that really quick. And he knew he wouldn’t forgive them for the bullshit they pulled on him. And just saying sorry and them letting him live with them again wouldn’t  **expunge ** him of his guilt for anything he’s done, it would probably make it worse, being near them again, constantly reminded of what he’s done wrong and why he shouldn’t be forgiven. Beetlejuice looked up at the Maitlands, noting their confusion and concern, but mostly their nervousness, even if he didn’t train himself to read people he could tell how nervous they were for his response with just a glance. He let out a heavy sigh, and nodded faintly, making them perk up.

“R-really?” Adam’s voice was hopeful, but didn’t Beej say- oh he didn’t yet- they probably thought- ok Beej fix this- just tell them- “I’ve thou- thought about it,” The Maitlands awaited his next words with bated breaths (ghosts didn’t need to breathe per se, but the Maitlands did anyways. Beetlejuice also breathed even though he didn’t need to, but that’s not the point). He needed to make this  **cogent** , so they wouldn’t misinterpret his answer. “No. I’m- I’m not gonna come and- and live with y’all.” The Maitlands blinked a few times before deflating. The hope leaving them. “What do you mean, no? I would’ve thought that would be the first thing you’d want to do.” Barbara’s tone was accusatory. Funny, she didn’t have a right to accuse him of something, she’s the one coming onto his property asking him to live with them. “Well, I sai- said no.” The Maitlands argued again, they seemed desperate to get him back. It made no sense, and Beetlejuice patience was  **finite** . “God s- slash Satan, shut- shut up. Seriously, why the- why the fuck are you so- so- so desperate to get me to come back?!” The Maitlands looked at him. Barbara spoke up. “As much of a nuisance as you were to us-“ (Beetlejuice would’ve flinched if he wasn’t so focused on making sure if she was lying or not) “-we missed you. Lydia seemed so happy when you were around, well other than the wedding thing.” The Maitlands shuddered. Beetlejuice just frowned, picking at the sand under his nails, still watching Barbara. “But she misses you. And as perverse as you were, the two of us missed you. You were just, fun to be around. And we just hoped that you missed us too, so we came to find you.” She wasn’t lying, he would know if she was. She does these cute little nervous laughs, and fidgets with her hair and dress when she lies (she did it during the wedding), and she didn’t do any of that now. They were being completely honest with him. So he would be too.

“Look, I know it might- it might sound stra- stre- fucking- un-  **uncanny ** to you, but I’m not- I’m not interested in coming back. Not- not now, probably not ever.” (He could tell they had gotten used to the stutter, but were obviously still confused as to what it meant, since it obviously wasn’t from him being nervous) “And also, my fuckin- my fuckin stutter is a natural thing so- so fuck off about it. Stop being- stop- stop being weirded out by it.” That one was just for him, he wanted to see how they reacted to him calling it out. They flinched and mumbled a sorry. Barbara spoke up again: “Why though? Why aren’t you coming back?” Still in denial about him telling the truth. They wanted to believe he was lying (he wished he was lying). Beetlejuice huffed, crossing his arms and looking between the Maitlands, “That’s none of- of your business. I have my ree- rea- reasoning and it makes sense to- to me. It’s not your fu- fucking business.” The married couple frowned at that, making Beetlejuice frown even more. “But-“ Beetlejuice growled (the tips of his hair were red, his patience run out) “Alright, that’s it. You guys have- have been here too long. You’re on my pro- proper- lawn and I want you to- to leave! My house, my rules!” He growled out, stomping towards the Maitlands (his steps were wobbly, but that was because of the uneven sand, not the guilt of having to turn them down. At least, that’s what he told himself). He grabbed their shoulders and turned them around, placed his hands in the middle of their backs, and forcibly pushed them off his yard. It wasn’t hard, he’s strong and they weren’t really fighting it (physically, anyway. They were trying o convince him to come with them though). He shoved them onto the street in front of his house (he was ignoring the ghostly onlookers around them, they’ve been watching the ghosts and demon ever since they started to walk up into his yard. Who wouldn’t be curious as to why their gross mood ring neighbor was getting visitors? Especially ones who looked like a generic, boring, white, married couple. He would look too), making the two stumble a bit. His legs and hands still shook despite him standing still. “Now- now fucking leave and don’t- and don’t come back. Or I’ll- I’ll- I’ll have Big Sandy eat you!” (The stuttering on “I’ll” was him stalling to try and say what he’d do. The threat was empty of course, he’d never let Big Sandy eat them. He likes them too much to do that) Big Sandy took that moment to poke her head out of the sand behind Beetlejuice, lightly nudging him on the back with her snout, making him lean in such a way that she was holding him up so he wouldn’t fall over (it was like she just knew when he was upset, whether he knew he was or not was irrelevant. But she would always do something to help him when he was. Right now, that’s keeping him standing up as he shook). The Maitlands jumped, yelping in fear (which, fair, Big Sandy did eat his mom in front of them. But she was overall harmless, she wouldn’t harm a fly as long as Beetlejuice kept her fed) and taking a few steps away. They looked between each other and then back at him (he could tell they noticed his shaking. And that Big Sandy was holding him up, which was obvious since she hadn’t moved from her spot nuzzled into his back. Nobody could hide even pity).

“Mr. Beetlejuice-“ Adam started, before Beetlejuice himself could cut off the timid ghost Barbara laid a hand on his shoulder as she looked at the demon (pity still) “Adam, leave it be. He’s..” she trailed off (but Beetlejuice knew what she was implying. She was going to say that “he can’t even stand up, let's just go” or “he’s shaking, look. we should leave him be” or some pathetic shit like that. He didn’t like being pitied) “Fucking- fucking hell! Stop fucking pi- pitying me and- and just- just leave al- already!” He yelled out, startling the couple and few onlookers. Some of the onlookers rushed away by then. “Oh- oh l- look, BJ can’t s- s- stand up- stand up straight, he- he needs a- a- a- a sandworm to- to hold hi- him u- up! Oh, B- BJ’s stu- stutter- stuttering because it- it’s a n- natural thing h- he just d- does because of a- a speech imp- impe- pedi- impedim- impediment and it’s w- worse now tha- that he’s all- all- all upset and- and mad! Oh, BJ’s sha- sh- shaking all ov- over because he- he’s so ma- mad and upse- upset! O- oh- Oh, we shou- should lea- leave it b- b- be because B- BJ- BJ doesn’t look s- so good! Oh, b- b- b- boo-fucking-hoo! Just- just fuckin- fuckin go! Y- you- you- you assholes!” (He threw his arms around as he spoke, and Big Sandy had wrapped her upper body around him loosely to ensure he wouldn’t fall over into the sand. He threw his arms around and shot spittle in which ways and that as he ranted. He was in the right, after all, he had the right to scream at them. This time) He screamed so loud that, if he were alive, he would probably lose his voice. The onlookers, he noticed, were no longer looking. They were back to what they were doing beforehand, though now with a few nervous and scared glances over their way. The Maitlands though stared openly at him with wide eyes. They looked like they wanted to say something, and Adam was opening his mouth to say something, but Beetlejuice stopped him before he did. “J- just leave.. please.” His voice cracked on please, which probably helped his case. He was upset and hurt (the red tips faded into purple after his rant. The purple slowly trying to replace his whole color scheme) and just wanted to be left alone with his sandworm and nap in the sand (Beetlejuice’s right hand now lied on Big Sandy’s head, slowly petting herself to calm himself down even more). The Maitlands shared yet another look before taking a few steps away. Fear faintly showed through, and the pity seemingly replaced by sympathy. They seemed upset. “We’re sorry. We’ll be leaving now. But a spot at the house is always open for you. Whether you want it or not.” Adam smiled at Beetlejuice (if the demon wasn’t so hurt it would’ve made him smile back, he liked Adam’s smiles. They were nice), as he grabbed his wife’s hand and pulled her away. They both gave a weak wave back at him before scurrying off. Off to find some chalk to draw a door and go back to their home. 

Beetlejuice waited until they were out of sight to let out a heavy sigh, sending a sad smile and wave over to his neighbors, “S- sorry about th- that! Old- old friends, I- I guess.” He called, to explain himself (he knew they didn’t believe the friend part of the statement, but it was obvious that they could tell he was truly sorry about them having witnessed it all. They forgave him, he knows). A few waved back, called over that “It’s alright BJ!” and “No harm’s done sweetheart!”. The demon slowly stumbled back into his back yard, Big Sandy trailing after him, still wrapped around him to hold him up. He collapsed into her and the sand once they were hidden behind his home. He pets Big Sandy’s side as she curled around him even more, nuzzling his side. He sighed, and let himself cry. “Let’s ta- take a nap, y- yeah girl? I think w-we both need one right- right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ascertain- verb: to find out  
Cogent- adjective: forceful, convincing; relevant, to the point  
Converge- verb: to move toward one point, approach nearer together  
Expunge- verb: to erase, obliterate, destroy  
Finite- adjective: having limits; lasting for a limited time  
Nonchalant- adjective: cool and confident, unconcerned  
Omniscient- adjective: knowing everything; having unlimited awareness  
Skulk- verb: to move about stealthily; to lie in hiding  
Supercilious- adjective: proud and contemptuous; showing scorn because of a feeling of superiority  
Uncanny- adjective: strange, mysterious, weird, beyond explanation


End file.
